Unrelenting standards - "The perfectionist"

"Why am I so critical of my partner?"

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If you have this schema, chances are you’re the classic type “A” personality. Success and ambition are synonymous with your name. And let’s be honest, you’ve probably soared in your career too. For you, the sky’s the limit. You’re always on the go. People wonder how you juggle it all.

However, beneath the accomplishments and never-ending to-do lists, there’s a whispering thought, “Is this it?” No matter the success you achieve, an inexplicable emptiness follows you around. When was the last time you truly paused, without that lurking thought, “What’s next?” 

In your quest for success, your emotional connections end up taking a backseat. You’re good at doing but struggle to simply be. The clock’s always ticking, and pressure is a constant companion. 

But here’s the twist: the real pressure source? It’s not external, it comes from you.

And this internal pressure can radiate outward, influencing your relationships. A partner might find it challenging to keep up with your pace or feel they're always a step behind your next big goal. 

Many people with this schema get stuck in black-and-white thinking. There tends to be a “right” and a “wrong” way of doing things, with little grey in between. You might find yourself becoming irritated with your partner, nit-picking their every move, “Why don’t they just get it?”

But amidst all the pressure and the pursuit of perfection what you struggle to realise is: life is passing you by…

Root causes of perfectionism - how did this schema develop?

It might trace back to your early years. Perhaps you had parents who equated love with achievements. They might have set high bars, either because they reached those pinnacles themselves or because they saw in you a chance to realise their own unmet dreams.

Growing up, love might've felt conditional, dependent on your latest success. Thus, the race began. You're always aiming for the next big thing, hoping to finally "arrive". But guess what? You're already there.

It's time to dig a little deeper. Do these relentless standards truly mirror your current self? Can you cherish your successes without immediately eyeing the next milestone? Remember, you've aced the 'doing'; now, let's embrace the 'being'.

Your worth isn't tied to your accomplishments. It never was. You're valuable, worthy and complete, exactly as you are right now - simply because you’re you.

Signs you have this schema:

  • You have very high standard across most areas of your life
  • You feel like you could always be doing better
  • You get irritated and annoyed easily, especially if people don’t live up to your standards
  • You suffer from stress and weird symptoms: headaches, body aches and pains, gastrointestinal issues
  • Appearance is very important to you. You like to look your best at all times
  • You’re naturally competitive and and tend to compare yourself to others
  • You like things just “so”
  • You find it difficult to slow down

What you get from our Relationship Report

Deep relationship insights - uncover hidden patterns shaping your connections, rooted in evidence-based therapy.

Personalised guidance - get tailored strategies to improve communication, understand behaviours and fulfil emotional needs, all backed by research.

Actionable steps for growth - gain practical advice and steps to reshape relationship patterns and build a more satisfying love life.

Unlock your Relationship Report